God, I have a million things to say, so I'm just going to write this in notepad and copy it over when I'm done!
I've always been scared of dentists! I'm ok with Doctors, but I HATE having pokey things in my mouth. Other things are fine, but when they're in there with their drills and scrapers and whatever, *shudders*. The worst pain I have ever felt was in my teeth, so I'm always so scared of eeling it again when they go in with sharp objects! GAH!
Jack, I was like that when I was around sixteen with my penis. I'd be in the shower and just..break down. I wanted it gone so bad. It's interesting though, as I've grown and met new people and matured a bit, that the penis actually isn't the source of my despise, as much as I thought it would be. The same goes with many of other TG people I've met. It starts out that way. Oh lord, the despise I had for my sexual parts was unending, but now once I've actually considered myself as a full-time woman (I'll be getting my drivers license with a woman's picture here very soon) It just doesn't seem all that important.
I've found that what's between my legs is what least define's my gender- with people that matter. I think at least one of my relationships was formed based on my endowment. By no means is that a thing for me to be bragging about, though. It's just, when it really matters, when I feel like I'm so deeply in love and the heat of the passion, I could care less about the fact that once my panties come off, there's going to be this massive appendage extending from my crotch. Granted, it's very hard to get me in that mood. I typically have to feel safe, and relaxed, and comfortable with who I'm in the presence of, but it can happen.
I'm never naked in front of people, except for those whom I feel that safe around. And when I'm dressed, and in the public, you can't tell I have a penis. I used to go to great lengths to hide my bulge. I had special underwear and straps and, I'd literally sew special things to improve my appearance But then, one day my eyes were opened.
I'm about to explain something in graphic detail, so you can skip it if you want.
I found that if I, pop my testacles up into my body, and then take my penis, tuck it between my legs, and ..yes..pop the head in my backside. It took some getting used too, but it works perfectly.
OK IM DONE TALKING ABOUT MY CROTCH!
I even used to have sylicone breasts that look and felt like real ones that I glued to my chest. That was a big $300 investment. But, I just eventually came to the conclusion: Hey, I'm not gonna lie to people anymore, I am what I am, they have to deal with it. It was all just too much of a hastle. AND it's still a hastle to shave every morning and cover-up my shadow. But, I still look ok. The hardest part is my voice. I used to have a very deep voice. Ugh, but oh well.
Jack, there's nothing wrong with crossdressing. We, as transgenders are not changing to fit into the stereotypes of gender. We are doing this, to be ourselves, to be in the clothes and bodies we are comfortable with. Just keep in mind what I said about not doing something just because it defines you as a guy. Most of the men I'm attracted too still maintain a somewhat femanin touch. I'm dying to find a FTM my age, that is single(that doesn't look like he belongs behind the wheel of a 16 wheeler.) It helps that they're a guy, yet still knows the trouble that I've gone through. Only problem is, most of them end up GAy, and then I'm not mannish enough XD
Your story about being one of the guys is a lot like mine where I was always one of the girls.
Lol, Devil May Cry is an AWESOME game. Sexy too.
You don't do drugs, do you Jack?
Ok, sorry for those one liners.
I had a friend from birth where the situation was similar to yours. We eventually got very close, but then it ended in disaster, but so have most of my other relationships, so it's probably just me. What I've learned is, that the relationships are the best if you simply, don't get too attached. The less afraid you are of it breaking upt, the less likely it will. And if it does, you can still retain your friendship because you hadn't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Another friend and I, we had been verry tight friends for about 11 years (we were friends throughout three of my other relationships) and we dated for a little bit, then I came out of the closet and web roke up, but stayed friends, then when I stopped the hormones, we got together again and ended up engaged, and we got really tight. I moved to TX with her, got an apartment, got a job I hated, and everything. Like, I invested all of myself into this relationship because I didn't want it to die. Now, I can't stand to even think about her. She had been my best friend for 11 years. But the thing was, it would have been easier if I hadn't tried so hard. The first time we broke up, it was easy because we were just a couple of teenagers just having fun with eachother.
Another relationship I had, that lasted roughly six months, ended pretty well too- because were just having fun together. It took me a while to get over it, but I still wanted to be her friend and she mine, because we didn't screw eachother over. We just had to go seperate paths and that was that.
Listen, you've got to focus on getting a carreer before you focus on a relationship. If you are too involved in this relationship when it comes time to make a decision, you may end up making the wrong because you are too willing to sacrifice for the now.
For Ashleigh, my son's mother, I gave up the hormones I had pushed so hard to get and also dropped out of Uni. For my ex Fiance, I moved to TX and gave up my photography job. And now, look at me, 24, single, only just now restarting hormones, and jobless. I've been going to Uni off and on for almost 8 years now, because I kept chanign things to try and match my future with someone else's.
So here's my suggestion. Have fun now, come to a mutual breakoff when you're ready to leave for uni. Keep in touch, stay friends, don't rule anything out. If you want to sleep together as friends while you are in school, so be it, but don't rule out other possibilites. Then, if when you find a job that will support you and you are in a situation that is comfortable. If that job, and that lifestyle has brought you back to the same area as your GF, then become a couple again.
You two will be a much happier couple if you break it off for a small period in ordeer to get good jobs and a good home and whatnot, than if you made all these sacrifices just so you don't have to break up in college. I guarantee that if you try to stay together forever, you will be poor and will probably fight a lot and be fairly miserable. You'll turn into a couple you see on cops with all the babies, a lot of yelling, and living off of the government.
I know it's not what you want to hear, and your parents have probably told you the same thing, but its what will be best- trust me. If you think you want to be with her the rest of your life, then break up with her before Uni and keep the hope in your heart. Just pray that she keeps the hope too. but then, if she doesn't, better to find out then than later.
Size doesn't matter for teasing. If you find her weak spot, she wont be able to muster up that strength to overpower you. This takes a little practice though
But if you want the upper hand, you wont give up.
It's ok about coffee. I AM planning a trip to Canada, but it's for my own experience, not to come see anyone. But maybe some year in the future. I can understand people worrying about their kids and people on the internet. Especially when their kid wants to meet someone who is telling their kids its ok to be what they don't want them to be. I'm a 'bad' influence
No, I don't torture kitties. I am a big animal lover. Though I'm terrible with things that don't live in an aquarium. I'm awesome with fish and reptiles and amphibiens, and children, but I don't have the patience to walk a dog 3 times a day, or struggle with a cat. I love them to death and want some someday, but my partner will have to be able to take care of them. I'll stick to my 55 gallon fish tank (that I want OH SO BADLY)
See, this is why I need a husband, so I can stomp my feet and hold my breath and deny him sex till he buys me what I want
As far as my talking about sex, I have a bad habbit of making off comments that, to some people, come off as flirting. I don't want either of you to think that I'm coming on to you. I do happen to be a sexually active person, and find nearly any human being who can muster up a bit of kindness and actually appear to take care of themselves, sex-able. But I do understand my legal and physical limitations, not to mention what is propper. I don't think it would be right to talk about certain sexual activities with you guys- simply because you're so young. GOD listen to me! You'd think I was old or something. No, just older.
But, yeah, Come on down Ulfar! Let's all meet at Niagra Falls XD!
Congrats on finishing the picture, Ulfar! I still need to tell you about my game!
For the main part, it runs similar to a tower defense game, except that the enemies dont follow a certain path, they just come at you from random parts of the screen. But, as the story progresses, you go on side missions to find new technology and ultimately infiltrate the enemy's 'layer' But in the meantime, you still gotta keep your base safe. It's been a struggle trying to make it on my own. Especially when my drawing skills seem to be limited to paper, and not small pixels.
Do you save any of your files as transparent png's? They appear wonderfully in Mozilla, and pretty good in IE, they just don't go transparent. The compression isn't bad as with jpg.
Lol, Jack, come down to Gettysburg, we have a place called Land of Little Horses..and it is exactly what it says it is!
Ulfar, hun, I had to read your post several times to understand this line " I'm thinking about you and talking about you with my bf " my dirty little mind thought you mean WITH your bf as in talking about jack having sex WITH your b/f. Ugh, what a horrific mind I have. Someone put a q-tip in it.
Synth, welcome welcome, come have a seat!
Thankyou for the compliments!
First off, I guess, how old are you?
I wish I could say more, but from what I've read so far, that could be a number of identity things that you are going through. Have you been thinking of hormonal changes? or do you just like to be in the viscinity of us that do? Either is fine
I just feel like I'm on a roll here with this post, but really, I need to stop. My fingers are tired!
Ciao, Love you all!
--Cadence
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