I need some major help (young FtM troubles)

[sigh]

Okay, so I'm a fourteen year old biological female. I've grown up most of my life as female, but within the past half a year or so, this view of myself has drastically changed.

I mean, life has always been sort of dropping hints that I should prefer being male, like I've always preferred males over females, with pets or dolls or even friends (though most of my friends are girls). It's always been boy over girl with me. I've always sorta had this deep, subconscious grudge against girls that even I didn't notice until recently (sorta like cooties when you're a small boy. I've actually had a girlfriend and prefer them to boyfriends, if I may say so myself).

But... I don't feel like I'm %100 sure. I've read all these stories and watched all these videos and heard all these transgendered men talking about how they knew. They've always known that they were male. They've always been masculine, they've always been happier acting like a male. And then the people saying to just wait up for your hormones 'cause chances are you're just overreacting. And then there's me. I LOVE being feminine. It's fun and it gives me the freedom to be myself, but at the same time, I HATE being female! It's a huge dilemma that is incredibly confusing.

So, just to recap, I'm younger and I think I might be trans but I'm not totally sure. I was just wondering if there was anyone else who didn't know that they were transgendered until their later teens or even their twenties or older! Is there a chance that it might just be hormones? Is there a BIG chance that it's just hormones? I dunno... I don't see other girls walking around with their chest bound and insisting on being called Max.

I feel like I'm sounding like a total d**cher, but this is what I've been feeling and I REALLY need some help.

Thanks,

Max/Abby

Welcome Max/Abby

I'm not the one to be able to advise you, and I can only offer what I know through my girlfriend, she knew she wanted to be a girl when she was 5, that's pretty early, and she was quite clear about it too. Luckily she had the support of her family and was raised as a girl, and started on hormones at 14, which is right for a M2F, before puberty does it's damage.

I really don't know what the differences are between the M2F and F2M transitions, but from what I have seen the former is best undertaken pre-puberty, but F2M is feasible post puberty, adding hair and bulk is easier than losing it.

Whichever path you decide to take, I wish you luck.

Pete

Hello Max,

You raise some very good questions. It is clear you are different and thankfully you have enough sense to ask for help.

In my opinion, and this is only an opinion, if you enjoy being feminine sometimes, you probably are not gender dysphoric. If you like girls and enjoy being called a male name or even doing male activities I would guess that you are a butch lesbian more than gender dysphoric. This is just from my view and is not a professional opinion. If you can, i highly recommend seeing a psychologist. If you feel you can't talk to your parents about seeing one, try the school counselor. Sometimes schools can set you up with a psychologist.

Do not go through life in pain and confusion. You may have to wait until you are 18 and can make your own decisions. Until then, do what is comfortable to you. If putting a wallet in your back pocket and not shaving your legs is comforting to you, then do it. Yes, you will be ridiculed at school. Just be more mature and know how to handle any situation before it comes your way. If you handle yourself well, others will follow suit and respect you too.

Your post was intellectual and showed much maturity. You are going to be an asset no matter what community you choose. Don't let life drag you down into depression or substance abuse or any other self depricating manner. Stay strong and forge a wonderful life for yourself Max.

Andrew
48 and finally beginning to understand who I am.

_________________
When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world. --John Muir

Thanks guys.

And Andrew, I know it's your opinion, but TRUST ME, I am as far from a butch lesbian as you could get. From what I've experienced and have been told, I actually act more like a flamboyant "gay" boy than anything.

I actually like both genders, but I lean a little more towards girls.

I'm also a writer, which means when I wrote that post, I was thinking about how it sounded than what it conveys. Being called "she" or "girl" or "daughter" or any other female word is cringe-worthy to me. It's not just preferring a name and wearing boy's clothes, it's the whole fact that people keep reminding me that I'm a girl and how much that BOTHERS the CRAP out of me.

I actually talked to my mom about it this morning and I'm pretty sure she'll be a reliable source for trans conversations, but I also have a free LGBT psychologist in my neighborhood, which is... really, really convenient, so I'll talk to my mom about going to her or some other psychologist.

But thanks for your input :] That's also part of the reason I feel like my feelings are a little more legit than most, is that fact that I'd like to think of myself as very mature for my age, sounding egotistical aside. I take things a lot more seriously when I have to and I'm really rather good at handling situations in a calm and mature fashion, amongst other things, so I'd like to think that I'm handling THIS in a calm, mature fashion... but I'm still unsure.

Oh, another reason I'm iffy. Trans people either discover who they are very, very early in life (as Pete X's girlfriend had) or rather late... but I'm sorta in between. I'm going on 15 and my maturity level is much higher, so I'm, again, wondering if this is just the result of some overreacting hormones, or something totally true.

I just restated my post, I just realised O-O well... yeah. That's my response.

Max,

As I stated above I am 48 and just now figuring it out that I may possibly have gender dysphoria. I kept thinking that isn't possible since most things I have read or seen, as you stated too, the people are always saying they knew they were in the wrong body at a very young age. I just thought I was homosexual, though at 4 I had no idea what it was called. Interestingly, I knew society would not like it. However, I really don't fit with the lesbian crowd either.

I guess what I'm trying to convey is that there is no time frame which you must fit in. You asked if hormones could be the cause and my answer is yes and no. Hormones themselves are not making you become transgendered. However, as your body is changing into what you do not want it to become, female, it may be inducing more anxiety into becoming male which is a purely psychological aspect.

Here are some references you may want to check out if you can:
True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism - M.Brown & C.Rounsley
YouTube videos - search for transsexual
Logo TV website - has some show clips dealing with transsexualism
I haven't found as much information on FtM as the reverse, but keep looking.

Finally, that is great you were able to speak to your mom about it and absolutely awesome that there is a LGBT psychologist in the neighborhood. You will need all the support you can possibly find.

_________________
When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world. --John Muir

Hm... I never really thought of it that way before! My body has sorta been... female for a while now... but come to think of it, I started puberty at about the time when I started (though very subtly) questioning my gender!

Well, thanks, again for the input! You've been really helpful! :]

And I've actually been watching Logo for a while now XD I adore it. I've only watched the short films and the comedy, though, so I'll check out the deeper stuff at some point!