Need insight please! I have a TS girlfriend and........

First post! I'm sitting here at work stressing, there's no friends I can confide in, I needed to find a board to hear some various insight into my situation.

I am a straight man in a long term relationship with a transsexual woman, long term because it's been 14 months. We are in love, committed to each other and fell for each other within our 2nd date, long ago. For our relationship she gave up escorting and got a job (2 jobs!) and is starting school. We are moving in together in September, even though my house is in a part of town she considers "too country." lol. I am her boyfriend, her man, her daddy.

So the issue is the top/bottom thing. She is submissive and likes me being top, that was clear from the beginning, and that is what I am. Gradually, I went to doing some oral on her, but only when she is in the mood.

She considers herself vers, in that there are times she gets a craving to top (and in fact says she "used to be really into it). I told her that if she gets really hot for it, I would do it for her, but she says no way would she do that to me, she respects me too much as a man, I'm her daddy, etc etc. So she keeps it a fantasy but I can tell she thinks about it from the vids she watches.

A fantasy of hers was being with 2 guys. After discussion we put up an ad for a vers guy (for her) to join us so she could.......... And we found a guy she was really into. He was cool and respectful in the bedroom, we were having fun giving her all the attention, and she was getting really turned on and caught up in moment - running hands down his back and onto his backside, her eyes were brightly lit, and she looks at me and excitedly mouths "can I do him?" And the look on my face told her.....no. So that didn't happen. Later we were talking and I said baby I'm willing to do anything for you, how come you don't show that kind of passion for me? Because I would give myself to you for you to feel good, etc.

And she said she just can't see doing that to me. Ok fine. So what to do - she likes me to only be an aggressive jackhammer with her, always rough and ready, and that's my role and I fulfill it well. But she has these likings, which really turn her on sometimes and she really enjoys, she won't do it with me, her man. It bothers me to think that at some point she is would be tempted to go outside our relationship just to fulfill this urge of hers, which I would consider cheating......but she says that a man that likes her cock too much and wants her to f**k him often would not be a man she would have a relationship with.

Just confuses me. I can't help but feel undesirable, even though she initiates sex often and we do it several times a week. I'm willing to go there for her, and she won't take me up on it, wants someone else or not do it at all. I'm straight, no bi experiences in school, etc - I am learning as I go and don't understand all the top/bottom politics whatsoever!

oh and the guy who joined us for the threesome was bi and I saw how she was with him, she was so much more touchy feeling and mutually passioniate wtih him. With me it's always "take that pussy daddy!" and I pound her. I'm tired of always being an aggressive top, it was not like that when I dated genetic girls, I want that mutual passion/lovemaking too......

.....man I'm sounding like a chick here.........

More

I am very oral when making love, I always went down on my previous girlfriends and enjoyed pleasing them, so it was no different with my current girl. But for a long time she always stopped me, then finally felt comfortable while I taught myself how to please her. Then, when I turned out to be good at it, she seemed a little anxious - saying things like "you're good at that, but too good."

I don't see what the big deal is, she knows that I am not with her because of what's between her legs! She says she knows I am a pleaser.

Our relationship is strong and in comparison these "problems" seem petty, but right now I am feeling uncertain, confused and kinda down. Like I said I want mutual passionate lovemaking, which we have but few and far between, I am getting tired of the pattern of eating her out and pounding.

Communicate with her, you say? I have. But I hate having to talk things into happening, I want it to be genuine plus now she feels bad and says feels a little guilty.

Sounds like she and you have a problem. Many TS believe that the more masculine their lover, the more feminine they become. They have the 'I want a real man' mentality which usually entails a man doing everything that isn't remotely 'gay'. It doesn't help that she watches porn which creates archetypal stereotypes for transsexual relationships - very macho man fucks ultra feminine tranny etc. The alternative is the submissive guy being 'used' by a transsexual - in other words totally emasculated. There is a concept of human thought that says if a man is submissive in bed (takes it up the bum) then he is less of a man. Of course this is not true - sex and intimacy are personal and private and should be free from these borish constraints. It is no-ones business what we do in the bedroom.

Some transsexuals like doing it, others don't. The fact that she enjoyed topping another man, means she obviously enjoys it and it is not just a case of the fantasy being greater than the reality.

As far as communication is concerned, it might not be easy, especially for a guy, but you may have no choice. It is a hollywood fantasy that things happen naturally like in romance novels and movies. If you both want the relationship to continue.

It might seem trivial now, but this is obviously bothering you otherwise you wouldn't have posted (especially such a detailed post).

Perhaps explaining to her that you are still the same man regardless of what you do in bed. I would be quick to point out she obviously enjoys it and the contradiction is hurting you.

I should stress, she may have had a bad experience. Some guys start out as tops and then turn into unsatisfiable bottoms. It is more common than you think. I had it happen to me. I don't see him any more. I don't like topping and find it unpleasant and very unenjoyable.

You two definately need to talk. Stop watching porn. You will be surprised how damaging porn can be to a relationship. I know a happily married couple who can't get off without it. They have lossed all sense of passion and imagination in their sex life. It certainly doesn't improve your sexlife. Try going one month without it.

M.

ya it's simple really, she told me any guy that she does that to is lessened in her eyes. they are seen more of as a fun toy, not dating/relationship material.

and she has had experience with guys who are secret chasers, that reveal it in the bedroom when they constantly divebomb for the cock like kamikazees or want to be bottomed asap.