Passability Question For The Guys

I want to ask the guys something...

If we lived in a perfect world free of trans-phobia, would the passability of your TS girlfriend be less of an issue?

Mame

It is not an issue for me now, so in a perfect world it still wouldn't be an issue. I have never been afraid of being seen in public places, where I am known, with my TS girlfriend.

However, I am not so naive to believe that I am like most others, and I think that in a perfect world free of trans-phobia how passable a girl is shouldn't be an issue.

P

P, your cool!!

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I'd have to say it wouldn't be any less of an issue now than it would be in that ideal world. But it might also have to do with people's taste in women. Some like them to have strong features and some like soft features. I suppose it would allow the people who like very strong featured or manly looking girls to date them more openly. As it is I have a friend who is restraining himself from asking someone out because she's a strong featured woman and he is more concerned about what people might think of him instead of how he feels about her. To me that's dumb to worry more about the people around you, but every person is different.

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He sounds like a fool to me. If he is really interested in her, it should make no difference if she was butt-ugly or drop-dead gorgeous. What really matters is what is inside the lady and how she responds to his presence.

If everyone acted on what other people might think about a potential bf/gf then no-one would be with anyone, and what a sorry world we would live in then.

P

In a perfect world passibility wouldn't be an issue. It's not a huge issue really, but I'll admit to finding myself more physically attracted to an attractive TS than one who isn't.

So by default that means I'm more attracted physically to a more passable TS, as I find feminine features more attractive. Personality however is the overriding factor. I've dating drop-dead gorgeous women and been bored stupid, and been madly in love with women who many would consider "ugly".

and in a perfect world I could wear a kilt down the street and not get hassled /wolf whistled! Maybe that's why the Scots wear a dirk while wearing a kilt!

So a less passable TS is less attractive? I find that a little offensive.

Transexualism chooses us and not the other way around. Your brain is either female or not. We have to work with what mother nature gave us and unless we have the resources for extensive plastic surgery then we have to get by with what we get in life.

I have met many transexuals in my 13 years as a transexual myself and I can honestly say that I have only ever met one TS who possessed total 100% passability - and she had a genetic disorder and wasn't genetically male. The other (very beautiful) transexual women I have met all have some trace of being a TS, whether it is a husky voice, strong hands, strong jaw or whatever. These ts women put many genetic women to shame. But no TS is "100% passable".

I will also hasten to point out that what is considered beautiful today is masculine looking women. Minuscule hips, chiselled jaws etc. Ideals of beauty change - Marilyn Monroe would be considered fat today. Most of the actresses in the porno Debbie Does Dallas bout also be considered fat by todays standards.

Give me a lady with a bit of meat on her bones. If I wanted my woman to have thin hips, chiselled jaw, etc, I might as well just date a man. I want my woman to look like a woman - hips that would be dangerous on the dance floor, a defined waist - you know - the hour glass look....

Ahhh - dreaming of a lady like that........

P

Sorry to offend, but the point I was making, which I mustn't have made strongly enough was that only on a purely physical level I find more attractive TS more...attractive! I had hoped I'd made it clear that it didn't matter one way or another when it came to forming a relationship. Personality is far and away the more important factor.

Let's talk extremes here. I went to a bar in Melbourne the other night, largely full of crossdressers. I had a good night chatting and enjoying the company, and I spent much of the night talking to "Bob". I wasn't phyically attracted to Bob's huge amounts of chest hair sticking out over the front of his very lovely shimmering gold gown. (by the way, he chose to keep calling himself "he", "himself" etc, hence the use of the male pronouns)

I was however physically attracted to the very feminine looking crosdresser in a gorgeous 1940's style skirt suit, with subtle make-up and a perfect brunette bob. Physically yes, but after a few moments of conversation, I soon decided she had a pretty toxic personality and moved on to talking with others there.

I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that I have an initial first reaction to anyone's beauty, and am mature enough to recognize that and accept that, but not let it override or control who I talk to, meet, or date.

I hope that clarifies things, and i'm sorry you took offence to my initial post.

Tony

Hi Tony,

I was talking about transsexuals not cross dressers. It may seem judgemental, but you can't compare someone who has taken on the task of changing their gender including biomedical intervention with someone who pops on a frock on a Friday night no matter what their attention. In my experience, most of these people enjoy their male bodies and have no intention of altering it. They are often straight men who have a fetish for cross dressing - some will even take that fetish to the point of having sex with men to take on the role of women although they still consider themselves straight.

I find no resemblance to that narrative with my own story (or any other TS). I have never been comfortable with my male body and would go to any lengths to alter it, including various forms of surgery.

I am talking about the relative passability of transsexuals. Because we live in a world were transsexuality is the topic of tv shows like There's Something About Miriam and some television shows are starting to include the odd transsexual characters (Ugly Betty, Dirty Sexy Money), more and more people are aware of the world of transsexuality. People are aware that many TS look very feminine and some put genetic women to shame - the flow on effect is that it is harder and harder for TS to have a sense of anonymity. This means that any men interested in us for anything more than a clandestine role in the hay is going to have to 'grow balls' and accept that someone is going to know that they are with a TS. Hence my original question.

My question is highlighted by the Calpernia Addams and Barry Winchell relationship. Despite the extraordinarily tragic ending to their relationship, it seems that an apparently heterosexual man fell in love with a transsexual. Calpernia Addams is extremely beautiful and there is nothing remotely masculine about her but is still identifiable as a transsexual. Every news article I have read about her mentions how much of a lady she is and the sense of her femininity when she walks in or out of a room.

It is not uncommon for men to express their desire for a 'passable' transsexual girlfriend. I have always read this to mean a '100% beyond a question of a doubt' transsexual. I doubt a man would ever find this for the reasons stated above - I have only ever met one and she had a intersex condition. Someone always knows and people always find out. Does this mean that these men forgo a relationship with a TS?

M.